至：愛過的人
光良 - 那些愛過的事:
"只是我愛過你的事，卻像跟著我的影子
遺憾的是你看不到，我還在愛著你的樣子"
曾經屬於我們共同的物品隨著時間逐漸損壞，如同變了質的牛奶，味道變了只能廢棄…
看著這些物品想起曾經的點點滴滴我還是止不住淚水…
想起那些甜言蜜語，真是天真又傻。
山無崚，天地合，乃敢與君絕…好美…卻不切實際…
你讓我嚐到了被愛與寵溺的甜蜜，同時也體會了愛帶來的痛與煎熬…
我嘗試跨越心裡的恐懼去接納他人卻一再地碰壁，熱臉貼冷屁股，真心換絕情…
愛 好累 好傷
多希望曾經的諾言能實現，我們現在過的是曾經計畫著的生活…
不知現在的你過的如何，我只能遠遠的祝福你，希望你能過你要的平淡、簡單的幸福日子。
我累了，找不到人生的方向，不知道該如何走下去，追求什麼…
曾經你是我的未來，我的指南針。
現在我必須靠自己的力量去尋找人生迷宮的出口。
若碰了壁就往回走找新的路，總有一天會找到出口。
就算出不去至少我也努力過，而不是在原地不動的等不會出現的"白馬王子"。
我會好好地誠實面對自己，不再幻想祈求什麼。
做自己堅強的走下去。
~ 10.06.15 ~
http://mynostalgicmelodies.blogspot.co.nz/2015/06/blog-post.html
A year ago I wrote the above post:
For: The one I loved,
Michael Wong - All that I loved:
"The memories of when I used to love you is like the shadows following me.
The most regrettable is you not seeing how I still love you."
What used to belong to us slowly over time break and wear out, just like spoiled milk, the taste has changed and can only be thrown out...
Looking at these objects, I reminiscence our past together and cannot stop the tears from flowing...
Remembering those sweet promises, so naive and silly.
When the mountains have flattened, the sky and earth become one, then I dare separate from you/// so beautiful... but unrealistic...
You allowed me to taste love and sweetness of being spoiled, but also experience the pain and heartache love brings...
I tried to overcome my internal fear of accepting someone else but constantly stumble over the hurdle, being over eager and shut down, giving my heart and having it broken again and again...
Love. So tiring. So painful.
I wish the original promises were kept and we are living the lives we had planned...
Don't know how you are doing now, I can only wish you well from afar, hope you are living the peaceful and simple happy life you wanted.
I'm tired, I can't find my life's direction, I don't know how to continue on, chase what...
You used to be my future, my compass.
Now I must rely on my own strength to find the exist to the maze of life.
If I hit a dead end I will turn around and find a new path, I will find the exist one day.
Even if I cannot escape at least I tried, instead of standing still and waiting for the "prince charming" that will never appear.
I will truly face reality and myself, no longer fantasize anything.
Be myself and find the strength to continue on.
---------
Reading the above post I could not help but be proud of how mentally strong I have become.
I remember the pain I felt, how can I forget something so excruciatingly painful?
But I have overcome it.
I do not regret anything, it was all lessons learnt.
I am more realistic and independent compared to who I was.
I do not know what will happen but know I will not lose myself again.
I am starting to love myself.
I accept my "imperfections" and let go of expectations.
I do things at my own pace and answer to no one but myself.
I know who and what matter to me the most.
I am learning to realise and see people for who they are and what they have done to me.
It is NOT okay to be used.
I won't put up with the way I have been treated.
I will fight my own battles and earn the respect I deserve.
Some people simply do not know how to respect people and it is their loss.
Growth ^o^v
~ 17.9.16 ~
