I choose You!

I have had a bit of dilemma lately trying to figure out what to do.
Logic dictates I should go with the "easier and closer to home choice" but my heart fiercely clung onto that familiar yet extremely complicated bundle of... Hun.

I know my friends are uncomfortable with the decision I made to go see him...
For a girl flying to the other side of the world to meet a guy I've only meet and known over the Internet for a few months, anything can happen.
Both them and myself would be a lot more comfortable if he came here first but it's not really happening as that boat has sailed long ago and I don't want to open that can of worms right now...

Maybe he could end up hurting me, but what if it could all work out and I actually get my happily ever after?

I choose to believe in my gut, to believe in that initial spark and unexplainable attraction, no, infatuation we felt.

I don't know him at all yet I felt so comfortable opening up to him and trusting him.

The initial staying up till 3am every night to just chat and spend time in each other's presence.

He was always the responsible one, reminding me of reality but also whisking me away to this happy place whenever we got to spend time together.

Neither one of us are perfect, we have our differences, expectations and perspective, we may disagree on a lot of things but we can agree to disagree.

Dear Hun, 

6 months has flew by so quickly, less than a year to go till you relocate here.

I am hoping, and praying despite my friend's concerns that I do get to see you in August. 

August will seal our fate, whether we are compatible in person too or not.

All this chemistry that has been mixing between us, how will it react? 

You have tried hard to be there for me and to make an effort.

I may not articulate or express my appreciation of  everything you do for me, but I do notice and remember.

Firstly, thank you for getting the phone so that we could message during the day, so that if you had to deploy (praying no...) you could let me know, also you could use the phone here in New Zealand too.

You are introverted and don't need a cellphone to keep in touch with people, but you did it for me.

I missed you so terribly while you were in training, it just felt so... sad and like a void was there when I couldn't reach out to you.

I missed you so much, I wouldn't have guessed or thought that I could miss you that much while you were gone.
I stopped caring about the phone bill and just needed to talk and message you. 

Secondly, thank you for getting the new car.
Yes, you do need the car for work, but if you weren't saving up to pay off debt or to come here, you could have gotten a much better car to get around in.
Instead you picked a slightly cheaper car which I really hope is SAFE because that is the number one priority!!
It would also make visiting you and seeing your family a lot more convenient too.
And who knows, maybe we can tick something off my/our list *wink* 

Thirdly - and most importantly! Thank you for making time for me. 

I know you do try and I appreciate the times when you drop everything to just spend time with me alone be it playing games or just talking.

You find sitting around talking and not doing anything else to be unproductive and somewhat a waste of time, but those moments when I get you 100% full attention and you actually responding and being part of the conversation (*cough cough* way too easily distracted) are my favourite moments. 

While it is fun playing and chatting with your friends and brother, I am also greedy and want your undivided attention. 

It's nice talking to you before you sleep, but not as much when you are so exhausted after gaming with the boys for hours and just wanting to sleep and not talk to me...

The quality of the conversation drops and my heart aches seeing you so tired I just want you to rest...

I love it so much when we fall asleep next to each other over the phone - sorry phone, probably really bad for you / your battery >.<;;

I love opening my eyes and seeing you there on the screen, almost as if you were next to me...

The distance really gets to me sometimes and I just want to bury myself in your arms and cry...

It is funny how someone who was a stranger a year ago has now become my favourite person. 

The thought of war and deployment terrifies me but it is part of your current life so I have come to learn to deal with the anxiety.

In case if I haven't made it clear enough...

I don't want to imagine my life or future without you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I CHOOSE YOU HILLARD.

~ 16.05.2017 ~