Let Me Go

Let Me Go 

Love that once hung on the wall

Used to mean something, but now it means nothing

The echoes are gone in the hall

But I still remember, the pain of December

Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say

I'm sorry it's too late

I'm breaking free from these memories

Gotta let it go, just let it go

I've said goodbye

Set it all on fire

Gotta let it go, just let it go

You came back to find I was gone

And that place is empty,

Like the hole that was left in me

Like we were nothing at all

It's not what you meant to me

Thought we were meant to be

Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say

I'm sorry it's too late

I'm breaking free from these memories

Gotta let it go, just let it go

I've said goodbye

Set it all on fire

Gotta let it go, just let it go

I let it go and now I know

A brand new life is down this road

And when it's right, you always know

So this time I won't let go

There's only one thing left here to say

Love's never too late

I've broken free from those memories

I've let it go, I've let it go

And two goodbyes led to this new life

Don't let me go, don't let me go

Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go

Won't let you go, don't let me go

----------------------

Changing to a new phone and giving my old phone to a person who would put it to good use.

Before I hand the phone to it's new owner, I was confronted by the task of removing traces my past off the phone.
Browsing through the photos of our life together I see the genuine smile, loving gaze and chemistry behind the lens.
Our Love was real.

While browsing, I unintentionally stumble across something that I should have expected but the news managed to take me by surprise and knock me out in one single hit.

No I have not completely let go.

These tears, this pain, the bitter taste in my mouth...

The flashback begins.
 As reality sets in the pain spreads throughout my body.

I thought I would be okay, but who am I kidding?

You overestimated my ability to move on.

You found your family and left me shattered and broken.

I am broken and cannot be mended.

It is as if while I was absentmindedly wondering down memory lane, a 12 tonne truck speed past at 100kmph and knocked me high up into the air.

Screech.

Bang.

Crack.

Silence.

You left me lying in the middle of the road bleeding while you ran off and continued on your journey.
I am the almost roadkill.
I survived, revived by medics and drugs called friends.
You continue on with your life and new family as if nothing had happened.

Even after we had ended, I never blamed you and made excuses to justify your actions while I was falling apart inside.

So many regrets, so much more I wish we could have done, so much I wish I had said to you.

I blamed myself and everything attached to me.
This pain reminds me of the cost of love.

I really love(d) you.
I was blind.

Reading that letter I wrote to you years ago brought tears to my eyes.

You may have torn the letter up and forgotten, but I still remember.

Maybe I will keep that promise I made...

You were my one and only.

You were the one I wished to spend the rest of my life with.

You were the only one I wish to marry and start a family with.

You were the one I gave my complete unconditional love and trust to.

I do not want you back nor do I wish to disturb your family.

Actions speak louder than words.

You action spoke on that fateful night 2 years ago at the petrol station when I came across that message.

What ever comes of me will be of little concern to you now.

You made your decision when you cheated emotionally.

As I hit the "reset" button on the phone, gone are the chat history, the traces of what we once were, the carrier of our past...

What remains is the memories, emotions and lessons I learnt.

You taught me the hardest lesson in life that I have yet to master.

Letting go...

~ 23.8.16 ~

寧可孤單也不願再錯愛...

喜歡與愛只隔著薄薄模糊不清的縫隙

曾經我把對一個人的好感錯認為愛,一而再再而三的受可避免的傷..

沉澱後的我想清楚了,寧可孤單也不願再錯愛..

或許我不會再愛了那也沒關係,珍惜我現在所擁有的一切,不再強求不屬於我的一切.

我要努力的愛自己,讓自己開心,找到並做真正的我.

為了自己改變.

Liking and loving are separated by a blurry line.

I used to mistake my liking of someone as love, falling for avoidable pain over and over again. 

After clearing my mind for awhile I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be lonely than fall for the wrong person again.

It is fine if I won't ever love again, I won't take for granted what I already have, stop chasing what does not belong to me. 

I will really try to love myself, make myself happy, find and be the real me. 

Change for myself. 

知足

Content 

~ 22.8.16 ~

Like I'm Gonna Lose You - Meghan Trainor

Like I'm Gonna Lose You - Meghan Trainor

Cover by Jemma Johnson

In the blink of an eye

Just a whisper of smoke

You could lose everything

The truth is you never know

So I'll kiss you longer baby

Any chance that I get

I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets

Let's take our time

To say what we want

Use what we got

Before it's all gone

'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you

Like I'm gonna lose you

I'm gonna hold you

Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing

I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when

When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you

Like I'm gonna lose you

I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

--------------------------

Really love Jemma Johnson's voice.

An underrated YouTube singer.

There is just that something extra with acoustic covers slowing down the melody and allowing listeners to feel and really engage with the lyrics .

I also really love Jemma's cover of Love Story by Taylor Swift

Maybe I have lost my ability to love and trust.

For now I am happily connecting with love songs on a less intimate but appreciative level.

So much to do, so little time.

There is strength and will from within that drives me to continue.

I have changed.

I have grown.

I am happier.

I am free

~ 6.8.16 ~

i hate u, i love u - gnash (ft. olivia o'brien)

i hate u, i love u

Do you miss me like I miss you?

Fucked around and got attached to you

Friends can break your heart too, and

I'm always tired but never of you

If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit

I put this real out, but you wouldn't bite that shit

Caution tape around my heart

You ever wonder what we could have been?

You said you wouldn't and you fucking did

Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix

Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed

Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing

Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance

I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing

When love and trust are gone

I guess this is moving on

Everyone I do right does me wrong

So every lonely night, I sing this song

I hate you I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put

Nobody else above you

I hate you I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

All alone I watch you watch her

Like she's the only girl you've ever seen

You don't care you never did

You don't give a damn about me

Yeah all alone I watch you watch her

She's the only thing you've ever seen

How is it you'll never notice

That you are slowly killing me

-------------------------------

This was exactly how I felt a while back. 

To a tee.

I no longer carry the burden of my unwanted feelings on my shoulder.

Dumped my feelings into the pit of how little you really cared about me.

Your manipulation and lies costs you my trust and everything attached.

You do not understand love.

I thought I understood you but it was just an idealised image.

Master manipulator or lost soul pretending to be someone he's not.

You be the judge of your own life.

You killed me.

You lost me.

~ 4.8.16 ~

∮16 如果你還在就好了 Wish you were here - 信 Shin

如果你還在就好了 Wish You Were Here - 信 Shin

Lyricist 作詞：施人誠 Derek Shih

Composer 作曲：金貴晟 Gui Cheng Jin

Arranger 編曲：JerryC

就讓我這樣子漂流著

Let me drift like this

我很好 沒事的

I am great, nothing wrong

潛入這條溫柔琥珀河

Dive into this comforting amber lake

世界就安靜了

World become silent

不想再和誰爭辯什麼了 罵的我都認了

Don't want to argue with anyone, accept what ever I have been accused off

也是該跟人生和好了

About time to make up with life

都已經幾歲了

About the right age

所有渴望追求想要的

Everything I craved, chased and wanted

看起來 都有了

Appears as if I have it all

而那些曾經很過不去的 不也都過去了

All those I couldn't overcome in the past, are now but the past

只是到了第六 第七杯 就又無力招架想你了

But when its the sixth, seventh drink, I couldn't resist thinking about you

整個人就一截 一截塌了

My whole body crumbles, one piece after another

堵塞的淚腺 終於通了

The clogged up tear duct finally clears

你一定知道我怎麼了 是心比胃先潰瘍了

You must know what is wrong with me, my heart burst before my stomach 

那個洞永遠都痛著 如果你還在就好了

That forever painful gap, wish you were here

敬這無言以對的時刻

Toast to this speechless moment

打烊了 該走了

Closing time, should leave now

生命的規定是如此嚴格

Life's rules always this strict

誰能失而復得

Who can get back what they've lost

沒有了你 我算什麼

Without you, what am I

乾掉世界 又如何

Scull the world dry, and so what

漫長歲月 索然無味

Long years, bland and empty

如果你還在就好了

Wish you were here

----------------------------------------------

I still miss you...

I wonder what it would be like right now if you were here.

Despite telling myself I am happy, you left behind a void of where you once belonged.

I know I shouldn't, I know but my mind wonders...

You may not be my final destination but am the stop that changed the course of my life. 

The journey left a permanent mark on my carriage that I could never forget.

You are etched in both my heart and mind.

Bitter sweet memories I recall so vividly as if it just happened the other day.

The other day was more than two years ago now...

Time passes by so quickly, what we had, will it become a faded memory one day?

Some days I feel empty, some days insecure, some days I just wish for it all to end.

I haven't cried for a long time now, I do not understand why I feel this way all of a sudden.

My tears are trying to smooth over and cover up the gash you left behind.

Futile attempt at forgetting.

Somehow, the pain just oozes.

I am trying, I really am. 

I wish to be happy and am giving it a real go.

I just can't bare my all to anyone as I had with you.

Will I ever be able to feel as comfortable and safe as falling asleep in your arms, listening to the sound of your steady heartbeat, dreaming of our future together...

Reality eroded my optimism and the cynic reigns.  

I lost my innocence.

I can't go back.

~ 4.8.16 ~