2 days ago I received a letter from my dearest friend, rock, sister/brother that was written a few months ago when we experienced the loss of a colleague. A colleague that was more a friend than someone you are forced to spend time with 5 days a week. RIP F.B.
Other things were going on with both our lives and we were in a pessimistic state of mind. Our lunch times were spent complaining about our circumstances and how helpless we were. Just another cogwheel being worn and grinded down by the harsh reality. Luckily as the saying goes, time is the healer of wounds.
We are still faced with other issues but are tackling it with less pessimism.
In the letter she wrote of kind words of how she perceived me to be. Compliments and words I would not ever flatter myself with. In this world people are so caught up with actions and often forget the importance of words, of expressing their appreciation and adoration of the people around them.
Her letter inspired me to write a letter to another close friend who currently is going through difficult times in her life. I hate that we are in different cities and I cannot physically be there to help her, to embrace her and somehow lessen the pain and speed up the painful process. I hope like the letter I received, my best friend can read it in times of self doubt and realise what an amazing person she is and everything will somehow be alright.
I am a sentimental person and keep all the cards, letters and memorabilia through the years. As I opened my bedside dresser I was faced with the box containing notes, photos and letters K and I had written one another, the necklace I had worn for over 5 years and a diary journal.
Reading the notes we exchanged instead of just sadness of our separation there were other emotions I had not expected. I felt a sense of pride, pride that I was loved and loved someone the way we did. Despite the imperfect ending, there were also moments of true love.
Looking back I was immature, selfish and not ready for a serious relationship. We made promises to one another that we were not aware of the implication of. If I had a second chance I would do things differently but do not regret ever falling in love with him. I would not be who I am without going through all that.
As my besty wrote, it is amazing how far I have come. I will never truly be "over" K, he will always have a place in my heart but now I can say I have moved on. Moved on from the sadness onto appreciation and eagerness to make the most of what's to come.
I am very glad I had not thrown the box out while processing the separation. I love that there are physical reminders of the 6 amazing years we spent together. He was not a fragment of my imagination and the feelings were real and mutual. When going through tough times it's great to remind yourself of what you have overcome in the past and that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
My pursuit of happiness starts with a change of perspective.
-- 03.04.15 --
