When we compare ourselves to others we often idealise their lives and what they have and are oblivious to the hardship they had to overcome to be where they are.
Yes, there are some who are born into circumstances that make their lives "easier" than our own, but they too have their own set of struggles to deal with in their daily lives.
For example, something superficial such as appearance.
Many are envious of how 'great' this person looks, how lucky they are to be 'skinny' or be of 'model physique'.
We assume they were born the way they are and overlook the hard work they had to put in such as working out or dieting.
We assume they are happy with their body but forget that they themselves may not feel the same.
They could struggle to prove to others their worth beyond their looks.
They could struggle to uphold people's expectation for them to maintain this physical appearance.
They could struggle internally with self esteem issues or body image issues and cannot find someone to open up to that would understand.
We forget they are human too.
There is always two, if not more sides to every story and circumstance.
I live my life trying to see the bright side of the situation and giving people the benefit of the doubt.
I make assumptions and excuses for people that hurt me.
Maybe I am naive.
As a "Scorpio", I should be vindictive and unforgiving, but to those who truly know and understand me, I would rather be the victim than hurt others; especially those I care about.
It is rather ironic that those who hurt us the most are also the ones we care about the most.
As I start developing feelings for someone I tend to idealise and just jump straight into wanting to know more about them, spending time with them, ignoring their negatives and just dream of potential future together.
I become an emotional masochist and start having expectations that lead to disappointment and pain...
I was once promised a happily ever after and till death do us apart, but sadly it was just sweet empty promises and I eventually faced reality.
I am caught up in my cynicism but also can't quite douse that smidget of hope that turn into heart wrenching disappointment and pain.
Trying to be empathetic and understanding of the other person just end up forgetting and hurting myself.
When they started a meal without me I try to think they are not being rude. They are just hungry and started cooking so by the time I get there the food will be ready.
Or, when they are just teasing me and being boys running away from me, I tell myself they are playing and actually do appreciate my company.
Then the cynical voice in my head starts....
They don't actually want you there and are running away as a joke hoping you will get the hint and stop following...
You do not matter...
I do not matter...
My lack of self esteem and confidence seem to always kick in at the worst of times.
I start over analysing everything and drive myself crazy.
I do not want to appear insecure and unconfident in front of them.
I wish they were more considerate and would pick up on my emotions, but they are boys...
I will just appear as needy whiney girl that they want nothing to do with.
It's the last thing I want.
I wish to be independent and stable, but also have that someone who accepts and loves me for being me, and vice versa.
I want to lie in his arms in my moments of weakness but also be there to embrace and comfort him when he is feeling down.
Like the moment in the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy when Amelia broke down in front of Owen and they had a honest conversation about their insecurities and comforted one another.
She had placed him on a pedestal and felt like she was not good enough to be with him only to realise he too is imperfect and has his own baggage and insecurities.
They accept and love each other for who they are.
That is love.
The good and the bad go hand in hand. People forget about for better AND for worse.
Nobody is Perfect.
-- 24.10.15 / 25.10.15 --
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