What am I to you?

I just want to feel like I matter to you.

While I'm crying you're happily playing with others.

Why do I bother staying up late helping when you don't seem to care about me?
I fucking hate feeling like I don't mean shit to you.

Why bother having a LS together when you won't even talk to me?
Why do I even bother or hope for anything?

You'd much rather spend time with others than me.

I fucking get it now.
Don't deal with me.

I'm trying so hard with the distance and time difference.
You don't even fucking know.
I'm tired, I rush home just so we can get some time together yet it's always shared with others.
Forget dates, forget proper just you and me time.
Watching movie together, getting married in game, doing roulettes together, saying you'll message me goodnight daily, us doing things together...
All but empty promises.

It's always me behind everyone else.
I'm not your priority clearly.

I hate my tears.
I hate this feeling in my chest.
I hate the way I fucking feel right now.
I hate that you don't even know nor care to ask.
I hate myself right now.

What is the point of being in a relationship if you don't interact?
What is the point of me being your girlfriend when I come second best behind your raid, your friends, your games?
What is the fucking point of the pain I'm feeling right now?
You don't care and can't be fucked dealing with me.
You don't care about me...

~ 11.02.17 ~