∮9 盛夏光年 - Eternal Summer - 五月天 May Day

盛夏光年 Eternal Summer by 五月天 May Day

Original

陳冰's Cover

Original Chinese lyrics and my English translation/interpretation of the lyrics:

五月天 

盛夏光年

作詞：阿信
作曲：阿信

我驕傲的破壞　我痛恨的平凡　才想起那些是我最愛
I proudly destroy, the mundane I hate the most, only to remember they were my most beloved

讓盛夏去貪玩　把殘酷的未來　狂放到光年外　
Let mid summer greedily play, let the harsh future, be released beyond eternity

而現在　放棄規則　放縱去愛　放肆自己　放空未來
And now, let go of the rules, let go to love, unleash yourself, forget about the future
我不轉彎　我不轉彎　我不轉彎　我不轉彎
I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured

讓定律更簡單　讓秩序更混亂　這樣的青春我才喜歡
Simplify the rules, let order become chaotic,  I like this kind of adolescence
讓盛夏去貪玩　把殘酷的未來　狂放到光年外
Let mid summer greedily play, let the harsh future, be released beyond eternity

而現在　放棄規則　放縱去愛　放肆自己　放空未來
And now, let go of the rules, let go and love, unleash yourself, forget about the future
我不轉彎　我不轉彎　我不轉彎　我不轉彎
I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured

我要　我瘋　我要　我愛　就是　我要　我瘋　我要　我愛　現在
I want to be crazy, I want to love, just, I want to be crazy, I want to love, now
一萬首的mp3　一萬次瘋狂的愛　滅不了一個渺小的孤單
Ten thousand songs, crazily love ten thousand times, cannot extinguish that tiny bit of loneliness

我要　我瘋　我要　我愛　就是　我要　我瘋　我要　我愛　現在
I want to be crazy, I want to love, just, I want to be crazy, I want to love, now
盛夏的一場狂歡　來到了光年之外　
Mid summer's crazy celebration, go beyond eternity
長大難道是人必經的潰爛
Is growing up the agony every human must endure

放棄規則　放縱去愛　放肆自己　放空未來
Let go of the rules, let go and love, unleash yourself, forget about the future
我不轉彎　我不轉彎　我不轉彎　我不轉彎
I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured, I won't be detoured

---------------------------------------------------------

I love 陳冰's rendition of this song.

I love the pain, the power, despair, frustration and the craving resonating in her voice.

I wish I had the perseverance to pursue what I want and not be deterred.

My mind and emotions are stuck.

Don't know how to think, how to feel, know what I want, or see things clearly at this point...

The only "logical" point to me right now is to just hold back, not engage in anything that could risk putting my heart on the line again...

I know what I don't want, but what I want... I am not sure anymore...

Really wish "relationships" were more straightforward and obvious, but no, they just have to be complicated and so many factors to consider...

Scares me to even imagine marriage and the responsibilities attached...

Looking back at my life, I have had a pretty lucky streak:

- Lucky I never gave birth to a child when I am not ready.

- Lucky despite the pain involved, I have learnt a lot on what to do and not do in a relationship

- Very lucky to realise who I can count on in my time of need, my "sisters" are what mean the most to me in this world

- Some may even say I dodged a bullet, which in a way is very true

It is very hard for the romantic in me not to put ideas in my head...

The past has taught me to lighten up and don't give in to the desire to want more, the desire has lead to disappointment and pain...

Must not be greedy and one day I will be rewarded with what I deserve.

I need to find confidence, find the real me, to love myself and to find inner happiness and peace.

-- 30.09.15 --

∮8 像瘋了一樣 Like going crazy - 齊秦 Chyi Chin

像瘋了一樣 Like going crazy by 齊秦 Chyi Chin

Original Chinese lyrics and my English translation/interpretation of the lyrics:

像瘋了一樣 - 齊秦

作詞：張國祥
作曲：湯小康

想知道你是否還是一樣

Want to know if you're still the same
有沒有學會比較堅強

Have you learnt to be stronger
你快樂的背後 有失望

Behind your happiness, there is disappointment
你何曾在意當時我也是這樣被你傷

Did you ever care, at one point I was hurt by you like this

想明白為何對我那麼冷淡

Want to understand why you treat me so indifferently
有回來故事會不會是這樣

If you came back would the story be the same
明知道你不會再回頭看
Despite knowing you would not turn your head back to look

我還是一直以為一直以為有希望
I will always just believe that there is hope

像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
Like going crazy, more I think of you the more heartbroken I become

我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
I love you so much, cannot escape from your grasp

像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感
Like going crazy, you make me insecure

你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷

You embarrassed me so much, and still also hurt me

想明白為何對我那麼冷淡

Want to understand why you treat me so indifferently
有回來故事會不會是這樣

If you came back would the story be the same
明知道你不會再回頭看
Despite knowing you would not turn your head back to look

我還是一直以為一直以為有希望
I will always just believe that there is hope

像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
Like going crazy, more I think of you the more heartbroken I become

我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
I love you so much, cannot escape from your grasp

像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感

Like going crazy, you make me insecure

你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷

You embarrassed me so much, and still also hurt me

像瘋了一樣 越想你就越心傷
Like going crazy, more I think of you the more heartbroken I become

我多麼愛你 卻難逃你的魔掌
I love you so much, cannot escape from your grasp

像瘋了一樣 你缺少了安全感

Like going crazy, you make me insecure

你讓我多麼難堪 卻還是一樣把我傷

You embarrassed me so much, and still also hurt me

----------------------------------------------------------------

This song was released in 2010 by a very talented and well respected singer - Chiyi Chin.

Like many others, I recently came to know of this song from Chinese singing competition - The Voice of China.

Chyi Chin's original version is a very soft ballad from a sensitive man who is caught up in his emotions but not ready to let go.

The contestant - 孫伯綸's rendition gives the song more depth, there is more pain behind his voice, like he's on the brink of collapsing.

I repeat to myself over and over again, I should not have hope and expectation...

The more I think of him, the more I think of the prospects and it really hurts...

To feel like you don't mean anything to someone you care about...

I am so unconfident and insecure...

I don't know why I feel this way about him.

It would make it so much easier if I just forget and move on.

Maybe there might be a chance with someone else who understands my feelings, who cares, who replies... 

I don't want to overthink anything anymore, will just see how everything plays out and live with it...

I am sick of being the "proactive one", I want to be me and if someone likes me for being me, they will need to pluck up the courage to do something about it.

So many things I wish to accomplish, goals to achieve, relationship will need to take a backseat...

Relationships are too draining physically, emotionally and financially.

I need time to figure myself out and be happy with who I am.

If you can't even love yourself, why would someone else love you?

-- 27.09.15 --

Friend Zone?

Ideally you want to marry your best friend, someone you can share any and everything with.

How exactly do you distinguish between best friend that is also your partner vs friend zoned best friend?

No simple answer...
If there is even an answer...

I don't know...
I'm conflicted...
I want to love but also protect myself...


Can I trust him?...
Can I trust myself?...


Am I going to regret my decisions one day?...
Am I willing to risk it and invest my time and emotions into him when the returns are unknown?...


I'm... Scared.....

Is it easier to just be a friend to everyone and stay the way I am...

Stay in the shadows... 
Stay protected in my bubble of no expectation, no disappointment, no pain...

-- 26.09.15 --

I'm here when you need me...

When you're lonely, you talk to me...
When you're sad, you talk to me...
When you're happy you share the moment with the one you like...
I wish I can be the one who you can share anything with...

I don't want to be the one to always initiate and to "pester" you...
I just have to accept you're too busy for me, too busy living your life, too busy being your positive self...
I've come across so many posts and quotes that have told me to move on, to pursue what I deserve...
I know not to expect or hope, I don't want my friend's to worry, but illogically I still have that smidget of hope...
What do I do?...
Play the whole "treat em mean, keep em keen" game that I don't believe in?
To initiate and prepare for disappointment?...
Or to just forget what happened between us and move on?...

Visiting my friend in hospital, he is fine but afterwards when my mind started wondering, I was saddened...
I know how short life can be, and wish I can just go for things and get what I really crave and wish for...
I know not to expect... I can't help but hope...
What to do?....
I'm occupied at work, but I still sometimes think...
He... Forget.... If not forgotten already...

What should I do?...
Should I even be initiating?...
Should I even hope?...
Should I?....

-- 23.09.15 --

Sway

Sway
Bic Runga

Don't stray, don't ever go away
別迷失 永遠都別離開
I should be much to smart for this
我應該有自知之明

You know it gets the better of me
你知道我忍不住

Sometimes, when you and I collide
有時後 當你我相撞
I fall into an ocean of you
我掉入你的深淵
Pull me out in time
及時把我拉出來
Don't let me drown
別讓我被淹沒
Let me down
讓我失望
I say it's all because of you
我覺得都是因為你

And here I go
我又來了
Losing my control
失去自我控制
I'm practicing your name
我練習著你的名字
So I can say it to your face
好能在你面前說出口

It doesn't seem right to look you in the eye

感覺不對勁 望著你的眼睛
And let all the things you mean to me
把所有你對我來說的一切
Come tumbling out my mouth
從我嘴裡脫口而出
Indeed it's time

是的 是時候
Tell you why I say it's infinitely true
告訴你為什麼 我說這是永遠的事實

Say you'll stay
說你會留下
Don't come and go
別來了又走
Like you do
像你這樣
Sway my way
偏往我這

Yeah I need to know all about you
是的 我需要知道你的一切

And there's no cure
這無可救藥
And no way to be sure
也無法確認
Why everything's turned inside out
為何一切變得相反
Instilling so much doubt
注入好多疑惑
It makes me so tired
把我變的好累
I feel so uninspired
我覺得好沒勁
My head is battling with my heart
我的思想與內心搏鬥
My logic has been torn apart
我的理智被瓦解

And now, it all turns sour

而現在 一切都變味
Comes sweetened, every afternoon
變得甜蜜 每個下午

Say you'll stay
說你會留下
Don't come and go
別來了又走
Like you do
像你這樣
Sway my way
偏往我這

Yeah I need to know all about you
是的 我需要知道你的一切

Say you'll stay
說你會留下
Don't come and go
別來了又走
Like you do
像你這樣
Sway my way
偏往我這

Yeah I need to know all about you

是的 我需要知道你的一切

It's all because of you

這一切都是因為你

It's all because of you

這一切都是因為你

And now, it all turns sour

而現在 一切都變味
Comes sweetened, every afternoon
變得甜蜜 每個下午

It's time

是時候

Tell you why I say it's infinitely true

告訴你為什麼 我說這是永遠的事實

Say you'll stay
說你會留下
Don't come and go
別來了又走
Like you do
像你這樣
Sway my way
偏往我這

Yeah I need to know all about you

是的 我需要知道你的一切

Say you'll stay
說你會留下
Don't come and go
別來了又走
Like you do
像你這樣
Sway my way
偏往我這

Yeah I need to know all about you

是的 我需要知道你的一切

It's all because of you

這一切都是因為你

It's all because of you

這一切都是因為你

It's all because of you

這一切都是因為你

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's all because of you...

My logic and heart is in conflict...

I know not to hope, not to expect anything, to protect myself, but my heart creates hope...

Hope that often are crushed and bring pain...

My best friends all tell me I deserve better, but my heart and feelings defy logic...

Need to give you space, but I am also scared the distance would lead to you going back to her...

How do I compete with 2-3 years of feelings...

You ask a general question, I pour my heart out to you only to be meet with silence...

Are you really busy or just indirectly telling me not to have hope?

I don't want to over think, but I can't help but "snoop"...

I want to know all about you, to find connection and similarity, to find more justifications of why I have feelings for you...

Why I admire your talent, why we are so similar, why we can work...

I just want to love and be loved... 

Will you ever be ready?

Will you ever accept me?...

-- 21.09.15 --

We accept the love we think we deserve

Over and over again I make the same mistakes...

I wish I thought more highly of myself...

Need to know when to say no and stand up for myself...

I know its wrong, I've been told time and time again...

But I'm afraid...

Afraid of rejection...

Afraid of being alone...

Afraid of being... me...

What am I really hoping for?

Why would they ever change for me?

How can I get out of the trap I've set for myself? 

When will I learn?

Love, is blind. 

-- 16.09.15 --

Stagnant

Definition: showing no activity; dull and sluggish.

Stagnant is how I've been in the past few months.
No gym, pigging out, just splurging money where ever, eating what ever I want and not having a routine to my life...
I want to change that.
Get back into a routine, get fit, be healthy and happy.

Signing up for the marathon will give me a goal to work towards.
Even if it is just 12k and not even the half marathon, you got to start somewhere right?
Must get out of this stagnant state I'm in and motivate myself.
I need to love myself in order to be happy.
If I can't even love myself, who would want to love me?

Goals for 2015:
- Complete 12k marathon
- Feel healthy, more athletic and keep it up
- Edit my photos from my trip that was more than 2 years ago
- Spoil and take care of myself
- Make an effort with friends that matter 
- Cut out things that are bad for me and hurt me
- Find out more about who I am and letting the real me come out
- Conquer one of my fears 

-- 15.09.15 --

Acceptance

Friend is all that I will ever be to him...

I deserve to be treated better, it's not right as my friends have told me time and time again.

I shall guard my heart and just not over think or read into anything.

Just forget and move on.

Must let the real me out as I've been told by my wise friend.

Need to figure out who the real me is and stop hiding behind masks of who I think people want me to be.

I'm a little tired and fed up, but the hope is still there...

Maybe I will have my happily ever after one day....

Maybe....

-- 14.09.15 --

Conflicted

What to do.....
Just have to put my guard up and remain the friend....
Have already crossed that line, I don't regret it but my friends are right....
I don't deserve to be treated this way.....
Does he even realise?....
What am I doing?.....

-- 12.09.15 --

∮7 情非得已 Can't help falling in love - 庾澄慶 Harlem Yu

情非得已 Can't help falling in love - 庾澄慶 Harlem Yu

情非得已

作詞：張國祥
作曲：湯小康
編曲：Jamie Wilson

難以忘記初次見你 一雙迷人的眼睛
Cannot forget the first time I meet you, your pair of attractive eyes
在我腦海裡 你的身影 揮散不去
In my mind your presence lingers cannot be erased
握你的雙手感覺你的溫柔 真的有點透不過氣
Holding your hands, feeling your tenderness, almost suffocating 
你的天真 我想珍惜 
Your innocence, I want to treasure
看到你受委屈 我會傷心
Watching you suffer upsets me

只怕我自己會愛上你 不敢讓自己靠得太近
Just scared I will fall in love with you, so I don't allow you to get close
怕我沒什麼能夠給你 愛你也需要很大的勇氣
Scared I cannot give you anything, takes a lot of courage to love you
只怕我自己會愛上你 也許有天會情不自禁
Just scared I will fall in love with you, maybe one day I can't hold back anymore
想念只讓自己苦了自己 愛上你是我情非得已
Thinking about it makes it worse for me, I can't help falling in love with you

難以忘記初次見你 一雙迷人的眼睛
Cannot forget the first time I meet you, your pair of attractive eyes
在我腦海裡 你的身影 揮散不去
In my mind your presence lingers cannot be erased
握你的雙手感覺你的溫柔 真的有點透不過氣
Holding your hands, feeling your tenderness, almost suffocating 
你的天真 我想珍惜 
Your innocence, I want to treasure
看到你受委屈 我會傷心
Watching you suffer upsets me

只怕我自己會愛上你 不敢讓自己靠得太近
Just scared I will fall in love with you, so I don't allow you to get close
怕我沒什麼能夠給你 愛你也需要很大的勇氣
Scared I cannot give you anything, takes a lot of courage to love you
只怕我自己會愛上你 也許有天會情不自禁
Just scared I will fall in love with you, maybe one day I can't hold back anymore
想念只讓自己苦了自己 愛上你是我情非得已
Thinking about it makes it worse for me, I can't help falling in love with you

什麼原因 我竟然又會遇見你
Why do I continue running into you
我真的真的不願意 就這樣陷入愛的陷阱
I really really did not want to just fall into love's trap

只怕我自己會愛上你 不敢讓自己靠得太近
Just scared I will fall in love with you, so I don't allow you to get close
怕我沒什麼能夠給你 愛你也需要很大的勇氣
Scared I cannot give you anything, takes a lot of courage to love you
只怕我自己會愛上你 也許有天會情不自禁
Just scared I will fall in love with you, maybe one day I can't hold back anymore
想念只讓自己苦了自己 愛上你是我情非得已
Thinking about it makes it worse for me, I can't help falling in love with you

愛上你是我情非得已
I can't help falling in love with you

----------------------------------------------------------
This song is the theme song of Meteor Garden.
A drama that my best friends and I bonded over.
The song that we used to sing at karaoke and walking home from school.
As an overly romantic teenager, I can't help but fantasize about future relationships, would I ever be in a relationship where the chemistry and love is that strong?

After my last relationship I realise the best part of the relationship is the comfortable silence.
When you get to a stage where you know each other so well that you don't even need to say anything and the other person already knows.
Being in the same room as him, doing our own things, but with one look, one smile, one touch, you know you are both in love and have each other in the back of your mind.
I am a hopeless romantic but can also appreciate the mundane little things in life. 
Little gestures like offering coat, putting arm out to protect me from falling, or pulling the blanket over my shoulders...

In Meteor Garden there are lots of side stories not just about the main characters Shancai and Daoming Si. 
I see shadows of myself in a few characters:
- Shancai's average girl with no background, stubborn, resilient, cynical and fiercely independent. 
- Xiaozi's frankness, fearlessness and perseverance
- Xiaoyou's bravery to pursue someone she likes despite knowing nothing good can come of it, just acting on feelings and wanting to share a moment with someone you like...

I am not in love, love is too strong a word, but I know I have feelings for someone...
Someone I shouldn't have, someone who doesn't need these feelings...

Someone that could continue with his life as if nothing has happened...

I had a long debate with myself before anything happened. 

Morals and logic told me not to, but I still gave in...

Gave in to my feelings... 

Gave in to allowing myself to feel what was one sided...

I don't regret the things that happened between us.

Others may see me as foolish, but I don't regret it at all.

It was selfish for me to ask for what happen to have happened knowing your circumstances... I couldn't help myself.

You are not the stereotypical guy that I like.

If someone told me when I first meet you that things would turn out the way they did, I would simply laugh and not believe it.

I was not ready for a relationship and had put up my guard when it came to guys.

As I got to know you I started liking hanging out with you... 

It was not until that night when you said "I like you" that I actually fell...

I like your eyes

I like your positive, care free spirit

I like your smile

I like your talent, focus and pride in your work

I like your nervousness...

I like you asking for my permission...

I like you making me feel like a little girl, shy and nervous with butterflies in my stomach... 

I like you

I know you do not see me more than friends...

You told me not to linger to the idea that things will turn out how I expect...

You said for me to find my own man and that you know I will find the right one...

I wish you were the one...

But you have made that clear...

I know and will pack away my feelings, liking someone should not be a burden...

I will put on my mask again and pretend to be that bubbly, happy, carefree girl that everyone sees.

Thank you for allowing me to put down my guard and making me feel confident, attractive, desired and like a woman.

-- 01.09.15 --