This song was the theme song to the movie 『剩者為王』The Last Women Standing. I watched this movie after work with my two long time best friends. Watching the trailer I was expecting a lighthearted romantic drama film starring my favourite actor - Eddie Peng Yuyan; & actress Shu Qi. Instead, my friends and I were very surprised to have shed a few involuntary tears in the thankfully dark cinema. At the age of almost 25 I feel emotionally and mentally at the age of 30. I relate to Shu Qi's character being fiercely independent, logical, burnt from past relationship but also a closet romantic at heart. The speech given by the father of the female lead character was what triggered the water works.
Not going into details but there was a lot of misunderstandings and drama with my parents and my ex.
Like my best friend, we both faced objections from our dads regarding our partners and it was a contributing factor in our separation...
The speech really tugged at my heart strings as it was what I wish my father was like...
I wish my dad is my safety harbour, supportive of my decisions and choices, comfort and there for me when I fall...
I wish I had the "happy family" where there is open communication, respect and trust...
The movie also addressed societal pressure on women to "settle".
How woman are treated when they reach a certain age and are still single.
Different interpretation of love, varying from a stubborn romantic best friend who was willing to give up their liver for a past lover to the business partner who was emotionally distant and using marriage as a tool.
The romantic in me was glad that love prevailed.
Would rather be happily single then settle for something/someone you don't love.
The movie may have been the catalyst for me facing how I really felt about someone.
Or maybe it's my other best friend finding happiness in someone she thought was out of her reach instilling hope in my usually pessimistic heart...
With the wisdom of my close friend, I took a blunt step forward and dared to ask a question I was afraid of the answer to...
Results...
Him missing or choosing to miss the point and going around in circles while I am afraid to be direct and say how I really feel...
It is the second time I indirectly asked but did not get a proper response...
Hurt?.. Yes...
Pain?... a little...
Disappointment? No as it was expected....
I am afraid to step out of the friend zone and confess to him...
With a bit of alcohol in my system I had the courage and was about to say something but the circumstances stopped me...
I enjoy his company and the fun no obligation moments shared.
But a part or me just want more.
The distance scares me...
I wish I mattered more to him...
Intimacy scares but also excites me...
I don't know what to do...
My friend said if nothing happens now I will never get out of friend zone...
Am I destined to remain friends?...
It takes a lot for me to truly open up to someone...
I thought there was a connection but sometimes your words and actions say I'm wrong...
As I begin to doubt and give up and ready to move on, your little gestures and actions just give me hope...
We know each other's history...
I don't expect to replace anyone or expect the royal treatment from you...
Our personalities, values and lifestyles is so similar and we easily get along...
The silences are comfortable with you...
Wish I can read your mind and end my misery already...
Do I even dare to hope for change? ...
Should I be patient and wait?...
If possible, can you turn around and see me?
If possible, can you let me into your heart?
For real, not a temporary moment of lust but a deeper emotional and intellectual connection...
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