Risks

My work is in the area of risk management.
I manage risks and apply warranties and exclusions on insurance covers to ensure I stay within the guidelines of our company risk appetite.
Kind of ironic I made a very risky move last night and am still wide awake at 2.20am trying to prepare for the consequences....

Cannot believe I actually said it....

Think I'm just too afraid to say it in person...
Afraid of looking in his eyes and say those three words... the little "L" not the big "L"...
Afraid of seeing pity or disgust on his face...
Afraid of rejection...

It feels kind of rushed, but then I also feel I'm glad to have told him now and clarified something...
I don't know whether one night would change his mind...
I didn't really do a good job at convincing him but at the end of the day he has to want it too.
I'm just very surprised he actually already considered it before...

Very well done by my friend for sending that message on my behalf.
I couldn't have been honest to him with my feelings if it weren't for her.
She really knows me well.... <3

Maybe now it's just a waiting game...
Wait for him to make a move because I've just laid my feelings on the table...
Exposed...
Vunlerable...
Don't know what to expect but know what I hope for...
Happiness can you play a more active part of my life?...

--12.11.15--