It's not really over...

As tough and okay as I may appear, I know it is not over.
These feelings inside only I know how I really feel.

The uncontrollable tears last week were but the beginning.
Somehow, I manage to laugh and pretend I am okay in front of you.
I have to.
I don't need your sympathy.
I don't need your guilt.
You cannot give me what I want.

I have to hide my heart and feelings.
My mask, impenetrable.
My tears, saved for when I am alone.
Heartache, but a part of life.
I am slowly becoming numb.

You do not seem to notice...
A part of me is gone.
It disappeared that night.
Trust.

You do not appreciate my trust.
You thought of yourself only.
You lie to me over and over again.

I am but a puppet or toy in your eyes.
When you want me, shower me with attention.
When you are sick of me, just toss me aside.
Makes no difference whether I am there or not.
Replaceable.

I am alone.
Always have been.
Always will be.

-- 2.3.16 --